Dearest Cassandra:
I should have listened to you. I should have stayed at home...I should have had a nice peaceful weekend at the country house. I should have stayed away from Cincinnati. God knows our track record here isn’t the best... But on occasion, I let my love of The Deal blind me to certain realities. And now. I find myself in a coroners drawer freezing my bloody arse off.
Perhaps I should back up. This evening I was to conduct an auction for several interested parties. But as I was making my way to the venue, I was attacked by a young African American gentleman, wearing what I can only suppose are “Gang colours” Tellingly, he didn’t seem interested in my watch or wallet or any palaver at all. He simply leaped out of an alley and unloaded his mac 10 at me. He didn’t even go through my pockets afterward.
It was, in my humble estimation, a hit. And no one seemed to bother with making it look like anything else. His fusillade of gunfire brought attention near immediately, or I’d have crawled away to heal. But as it was, I was riddled with so much lead that I was forced to play dead.
It is only by sheer dumb luck, that my phone was not a casualty. So I’ve already arranged an extraction with the local vampires, from the gentle clutches of the coroner's office. Of course, this means I’ll be in hock to them, but it can’t be helped. Rafe has already been dispatched to secure our cargo container. I suspect he’ll want to run them all down like dogs in that endearingly psychotic way of his. But that will have to wait until after I have left the city proper. Obviously, I’m not going to take the risk of being seen after such an attempt on my life. Cassie, do be a dear and when you receive this text message, dispatch someone to take the consignment back to the auction venue and offer all my apologies for the delay. I have attached the manifest below:
Love
-Desmond.
Demon Foetus:
Article Description: A gnarled and unnatural looking foetus with claws, a stubby tail, one open black eye and two tiny horns. It is encased in the largest Ball canning jar that they make, and is floating is formaldehyde.
Provenance: Picked it up at the monthly poker game. Frater Lawrence sends his love.
Analysis of the Research Team: Seems completely inert to magical probes, but the research team wasn’t exactly keen to determine whether or not the infant was still a material link to its parents. I say, let someone else find out.
Disposition: Not terribly useful, except maybe for parts in some unpleasant ritual. But I will say, it makes for a rather neat curio on some magi’s bookshelf.
The Jar of Antiquity:
Article Description: A clay jar slightly larger than a human head with a beautiful red and blue geometric design around it’s exterior. Inside the jar are a collection of small white stones.
Provenance: Sold to us by the Banfield Progressive Magi Association.
Analysis of the Research Team: I was intrigued by this one. The people at Banfield told me that the Jar’s stones each hold the memory of a single day in the life of a Hebrew goat-herder named Yashem. The artifact only functions once for its user. It’s also not translated, and the dialect of Hebrew is a bit obscure. I got maybe one word in 4, but then I have more Yiddish than archaic Hebrew anyway. It functions this way. a user takes a stone from the jar, puts it under his tongue, and then lays down and the magic unfolds like a long waking dream. My experiences of the ancient times were as follows:
1) Yashem hates goats and sheep in a way that only a goat herder can.
2) Paleo diet is bullshit.
3) At lunchtime, Yashem met with men who I can only assume were friends of his, and a long political discussion ensued. Most of them seemed to agree that their Rabbi is something of a shmuck. Beyond that, I didn’t get much.
4) There was wine. Quite a lot of it in fact.
5) It turns out Yashem’s wife Zipporah, is pretty hot in the sack.
The Banfield people feel that there is some deeper significance to this archive of this man’s memories. They’ve been dowsing the past trying to figure out exactly WHY this man’s memories were saved. But since there are hundreds of little white stones and only one ride to a customer, they’ve exhausted all of their membership and every single Hebrew scholar they could cajole into the trip.
Disposition: I don’t know that there is much market for this. It’s a fascinating little mystery, that is only likely to be solved if the stupid thing keeps circulating. Tell anyone who purchases it, that the Banfield people are liable to come around and have questions for them. Mention that they’re completely harmless while you’re at it.
“Measure Twice, Cut once”
Article Description: A purple agate, apparently tumbled and smooth. Held in a silver wire with an eyelet connected to an unremarkable bit of cord, for going around the neck.
Provenance: Bodhi (Met him some years ago just outside of Sri Lanka. One of the more talented dabblers I’ve run across. Seemingly capable of the most amazing feats of magic while ruinously stoned. Poor as a church mouse for some reason. Sold this to me because he’s trying to raise money for a particular Buddhist monastery. Apparently, the place needs a new roof.)
Analysis of the Research Team: Bodhi’s explanation was that he’d made a talisman that was a metaphorical representation of the concept, “Measure Twice,Cut Once.” It was something of an experiment, but he liked the way it had turned out and he’d simply kept it long after he’d needed it. As near as we’ve been able to discern it seem to give a slight advantage to certain types of crafting, although Oglethorpe found that he was able to access the enchantment while shooting. It seems to make a snap-shot into more of an aimed shot. There is a tendency for the user's ability to sense the passage of time, to slow down. It’s really quite interesting.
Disposition: This one is arcane enough, that I don’t imagine there will be too many people clamoring for it. The right sort of customer will come along for this. When that happens is anybody’s guess.
Tibetan Binding Coffin:
Article Description: A wooden coffin assembled from a cunningly put together series of wooden slats. It’s like a puzzle box almost, in the shape of a coffin. Will hold a human sized prisoner up to about 6’8”. Supposedly assembled by blind monks from somewhere near Lhasa. Potent binding magic. Even our least sensitive researchers can feel them.
Provenance: Sent by the monks as an introduction. It seems they may be going into business for themselves. Good for them I say.
Analysis of the Research Team: Anyone placed inside the coffin will go to sleep and will sleep uninterrupted until the coffin is reopened. The magic doesn’t seem to provide any life support, though, so mortal creatures will still breath and either run out of oxygen or simply die from dehydration. But supernatural creatures will likely simply become inert until the coffin is reopened. The Rinpoche assured me that the binding spells could hold a god. But not having one on the research staff...We couldn’t actually test that.
Disposition: Comes with a warranty, if you can believe that. I couldn’t. Also, the Monks wanted me to know that they can do larger than a standard sized coffin...Just in case you need to bind something big. But that they need a bit of lead time for such projects.
“Regurgitation Science for the beginner” By Sri Syadasty Dipivod
Provenance: One of our government friends. Payback for that thing in Des Moines.
Desc:A slim volume, with black and white, and color plates. The pictures are a bit stomach turning, as you might imagine, but this is frankly one of the most interesting books I have read in a long while. This book is a completely non-magical tutorial in the Indian fakir art of swallowing articles, and then being able to regurgitate them on demand. I looked this Dipivod up. Apparently, he was an Indian fakir who came to America and got himself a job in show business in the 1920’s. Could do ten minutes of sword swallowing, swallowing an ivory ball over and over. swallowing multiple small objects and then regurgitating them out of order. and finally, swallowing a small amount of kerosene chased by a gallon of water. He had a small metal castle on stage with him which had a small fire source in its center. As the blow-off of his act, he would expectorate the petrol onto the castle causing the flames to leap up, and then upchuck the water to dramatically douse the flames. Believe me, In the 1920’s this could have been a real act. It’s not even the weirdest thing I’ve SEEN on a broadway stage. Dipivod may have taught certain things to Houdini. I was saddened to discover that he was working on a book on how to induce catalepsy in oneself, only to actually expire. I made certain to add a copy of this book to our digital archive.
Genre: “Stupid Human Tricks”
Rarity: I am reliably told by Rafe Cumberland that the CIA has a copy of this book somewhere to train agents in the means of infiltrating a place with seemingly no tools, only to regurgitate them later for the purposes of sabotage or escape. They may also possess the remainder of the catalepsy manuscript.
Additional Notes: We’ve made some inquiries in espionage circles that we are aware of, but so far no takers. Don’t be surprised if you can’t move this. I, personally think this is fascinating, but I’m old and somewhat jaded.
Masonic Ring
Article Description: A masonic ring in an older style ,I would say, dating from the late 1800’s. Sized for a large man’s hand.
Provenance: Estate sale in Haverford. One of our stringers picked it up.
Analysis of the Research Team: Allows it’s wearer to see in total darkness, also, the team discovered that it is very difficult for the wearer to become lost as a clear mental image of the steps taken while wearing the ring, stays in the wearer’s forebrain. The points of the compass on the ring can actually be pushed together. When this is done, a small stub of metal protrudes from the side of the ring. Look like the business end of a handcuff key, but with a couple more flanges on the end.
Disposition: Probably another wild goose chase, but there are some people who really enjoy Pate. Who am I, to say them “Nay”.
7 baby food jars filled with puffer fish distillate
Article Description: Just what it says on the tin.
Provenance:Ettienne Richet. (I heard he got himself in a spot of trouble. Sent this to me for quick cash. If the other Boccor’s found out, Well. I wouldn’t want to be in his shoes.
Analysis of the Research Team: When blown into the face of an unsuspecting target cause 48 hours of a death-like state, a kind of horrific paralysis, which leaves the senses alone. Coupled with a burial and the sensory deprivation of being buried underground can cause horrible traumatic hallucinations, leaving the victim in a traumatized and somewhat suggestible state.
Use is not for the faint of heart. Although I am told there are still medical institutions that would give their eye-teeth to acquire this material and untangle its secrets for much safer surgery.
Disposition: Keep this on the down-low. Sell only to people you know, and can trust to keep their damn fool mouth shut.
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