Reverend Mike Plumber

Concept: Bad News Preacher Man

AKA:None

Desc: Mouth like a drawstring purse, iron gray hair. Suit. Tie. Flag Pin. Large meaty hands. Bright white smile, literally thousands of dollars of cosmetic orthodontia. Grey eyes that make you think of timber wolves. Slightly hoarse voice, that can nevertheless deliver stentorian tones to the back row of his church.

History: You would never know to look at him, that 40 years ago, Mike Plumber was a young seminary student. Keenly interested in psychology and some of the new and interesting ideas that the late 70’s were creating in American Christianity.  There is a picture in the back of some old album somewhere of Mike with long hair and a faintly ridiculous beard, flowers in his hair, eyes filled with energy, promise, faith and some DMT.

Somewhere along the way, that guy died. He didn’t exactly die suddenly. He died over a long period of time. a death of a thousand paper cuts. And that, all by itself would be pretty darn sad.  But then someone came along and decided that the still animate corpse was worth owning.

(Since this IS the World of Darkness I’m talking about, I’ll go ahead and point out that I’m only talking about a metaphorical death here. Mike is still living and breathing and stuff. But he is a far cry from that young man from so long ago. )

And let’s make no bones about it. Mike is OWNED by someone. Every once in a great while, he’s asked to do or say some heinous thing and the niggling little bits of his better self still feel the knife go in. But he does it. because in the end, he just doesn’t have the courage to fight or end his life.

Reverend Mike Plumber is everything that is wrong with American Prosperity Gospel Christianity with just a dash of Pentecostal trembling in the face of God’s unmatched wrath.  He launches ambuscade after ambuscade of vitriol from his pulpit every week and issues marching orders to his compliant cult-like flock about who to hate, who to protest, and unashamedly, who to vote for.

His church is an enormous megachurch, complete with food court and a tiny mall. There are broadway theaters that don’t have the same production values as the sanctuary of this place.  The church has turned into 8 or 9 buildings in a roughly compound-like lay-out. It’s even got a baseball diamond. Every Sunday parking on this side of town is utterly fucked.

First Epiphany is legendary around these parts for the sort of smarmy self-satisfied jerk-faces that give people who are honestly trying to follow Christ’s example a bad name. And the people pulling Mike’s strings...That’s just the way they want it.

Frankly, If Mike had his druthers, He’d just as soon make off with a few million he’s got salted away in a grand cayman slush-fund, drop off the map and spend the rest of his life high as a kite and hip-deep in Thai whores of indeterminate sex.  But unless his owners get themselves whacked, and that doesn’t seem likely. Here is where he will stay.

He’d pray for a way out, but he stopped believing in God a LONG time ago.

Attitude: “Son. Between you, me and the wall. I don’t necessarily believe more than 30 percent of the things I say up there. No. I don’t necessarily practice what I preach. But then again, I’m not the same poor dumb fool I’m preaching TO. 

Skills: A good smattering of Academics, Science(Psychology), and 5 dots of Persuasion and Expression. (He also still plays a mean bass.) Serious points chunked into Presence and Manipulation (But not as much composure. It’s not EASY to rattle him, but it IS possible.)

Gear: Mike keeps gum in his pockets and a pocketknife. He keeps a fresh hanky in his jacket pocket and a pair of sunglasses. He still wears a watch, a Timex he inherited from his father which gets serviced once a year and keeps near perfect time.  Mike refuses to carry anything else on his person. He does have a personal assistant, a young woman who is responsible for his phone. No, the rumors aren’t true. She isn’t sleeping with him. But she does vigorously peg him, at his insistence, twice a week. 

His wife knows all about it. Frankly, she’s relieved.

Home: Palatial. Technically owned by the church, so that Mike doesn’t have to pay property taxes on it. 6 of his ten kids still live at home. Most them are gormless layabouts in their mid 20-30s. Rich kids with a preacher father who never really seems to be around. The other four kids got to hating their father so badly that they had to move out. At least one has gotten involved as a political strategist working for...liberals. Another came out publicly and has become a strident voice for Gay Christian rights.

The house has an enormous pool and a great big old barbecue suite near the back door of the kitchen.  Once a year, Mike hosts a cook-out where the movers and shakers of town come and discuss weighty matters over pulled pork and daquaries. More political business gets done at the cookout than at a dozen city council meetings.

Circle: Dots of Retainers certainly. Allies of all sorts. Contacts in political and religious circles and high society circles. Dots of Staff (One for the household, the rest for the church of course. ) And what his social influence can’t manage, his money can. At least 2 of his children OUGHT to be serving time in the state pen, but are serving out sentences under house arrest. (They spend a lot of that time stoned and playing X-box.)

Story Uses:

“Attend my words for the spirit is moving upon me...”

It really depends on WHO is pulling Mike’s chain.  If it’s some vampire, odds are fairly good that Mike will be a semi-passive force in the community. He’ll usually only be pressed into service to help shore up the masquerade or to calm down the spooked herd.

If it’s The Vermillion House, then he’ll likely only be bent to propping up the status quo in town and keep the peasants nice and distracted while the rich and powerful go about their reindeer games.

But if Mike is in the grip of someone working for the Exarchs...Well. His ministry is going to be very active and very very problematical.

“It was at that point, I realized it was time to go.”

Perhaps the more interesting use of Reverend Mike would be to show what happens when his handler gets taken off the count. He might commit a very public suicide. He might disappear for a year and then re-appear having written a book blowing his entire ministry out of the goddamn water. He might go to jail.

He might find God again.

All sorts of possibilities.

Connections:

*Trent Parker of Parker Mortuary and Black Creek Cemetery attends this church and has a special deal with Reverend Plumber.

*Officer Honus Brightwater is a member of the church. He thinks Reverend Mike is a genius and a true man of God.

* Teflon John Galloway has sold pot to a statistically significant number of the Plumber kids.

* Occasionally, the ministry needs special help from skilled business advisors and so occasionally, Mike calls Bryson Import/Export for their "assistance"

* Mike doesn't know it yet, but he's already met John Patmos. If John ever explained himself to the reverend...There is literally no way of telling which way he'd go.