"So tell me about Christ."
"No."
"What?"
"Do I stutter? No."
"Why not?"
(Subject pinches bridge of his nose) "I don't feel like it. And, in some cases, not allowing mankind to know certain things is more potent than telling. Besides, you haven't compelled me to do so."
"I thought we'd keep this friendly."
"We're not friends. NORMALLY what happens is I am summoned and I am either compelled, which requires more mystical juju than most possess...Or I am offered compensation."
"Like what?"
"Hm. Well. I generally only ask for the Devil's Dare. All you have to do is manage to get through the turn of a moon without telling a lie. If you are willing to wager that, I am usually willing to answer any question that I am asked."
"What happens if someone fails?"
(Toothy smile) "There are consequences."
"You've been answering questions already. I haven't taken this dare of yours." "No. That's true. I...I was bored."
"BORED?"
"Do you know how long it's been since I've been summoned? No one's INTERESTED in the truth anymore. People are more interested in the Internet. They're more interested in lol-cat pictures and videos of people being hit in the gonads"
"I'm interested in the truth."
"You're not typical. You're not even typical for most seekers after "Truth." And, that's the sad part. People don't want truth. They want to hear what they want to hear. If they didn't I couldn't HURT them with the truth. If people could just learn to LIVE in truth, they would never need to fear it."
"Seems a lonely way to live."
"I admit it can be trying at times. Even someone like me has occasional troubles. The simplest questions can be like a minefield. 'Did you enjoy the party?' 'No. I was bored and your friends are a bunch of mouth-breathing, carrion eating, bottom feeders who wouldn't understand the subtle damaging of an immortal soul if it fell on them.'"
"You have parties?"
"We're not always on the clock. Try to focus."
"Sorry."
"...Where was I?"
"Living in truth."
"YES! Living in truth...You have to work so HARD. GOD! What I wouldn't have given to have been able to simply say to Talaxis, 'No, those pants don't make your ass look fat'."
"Oo."
"I KNOW! I know!"
"So...The Devil's dare is a transformative process isn't it?"
(Subject appears impressed) "You picked that up a lot faster than most do. Yes. Living in truth has a large effect on your life, sometimes a great deal larger than
people suspect."
(There is a long pause) "Do you have anything to drink in this joint?"
"Seriously?"
"Well, I'm not a Chinese demon. Those bastards can really drink. But, I could stand to whet my whistle. I could go for a beer."
"If I get you a beer, will you let me ask you about Christ?"
"No..."(Rolls eyes) "Ask it this way: 'If I get you a beer, will you answer questions about Christ?' I can let you ask me all night long. Doesn't mean I have to answer. You see how that works?"
"Yeah, I guess so. If I get you a beer will you answer questions about Jesus Christ?"
"As long as it isn't cheap beer. As I said, I don't get out as much. I'm not going to waste perfectly good truth about the Son of Man on horse-piss."
"I'll see what I can do."
(There is a brief hiatus in the conversation while I find beer in the fridge upstairs.)
"You had a girlfriend?"
"More than one. Eternity can get lonely."
"I guess."
"Making love is the closest thing that sentient beings have to being less alone in their own skin. Naturally, relationships between eternal beings can be...complicated, especially if you're on opposite sides."
"Does that happen often?"
"More often than you'd think. They rarely work out well. They tend to flame out rather spectacularly."
"Know from experience do you?"
"That's...none of your damned business."
"Fair enough. Party foul. My bad."
"So. "
"So. Jesus Christ."
"Doesn't exist. Never did." (Querrent spits out his beer)
"You asked, although, to be fair, you're not being precise enough. Jesus is a Greek translation of Joshua, or to be more literal, Yehoshua. And 'Christ' is actually a title. It is a Greek word meaning 'Anointed One'. When you ask me about Jesus Christ, you're actually asking me about Jesus the Christ, so to speak."
"You know what I mean."
"Of course I know what you mean, but you must be specific when dealing with Demons. And, you mustn't ever forget that I AM a demon, because the second you do, I'll get you."
"But you're telling me that."
"It doesn't matter. People always forget who they are dealing with."
"I'll try to keep it in mind."
"Do. This is the most interesting conversation I've had with a human being in decades. (Subject smiles) I'd hate for you to come to a bad end."
"I'm touched."
(Subject laughs)
"I think you're dodging the question."
"The truth of Yeshoshua bar Yoseph is a bit like a needle in a haystack. It's hard even for one such as I to sort it all out. Are you really sure you want to know?"
"I am recording this."
"Doesn't matter. To my way of thinking, the divinity of Christ is entirely
immaterial. What is more important? That he was the son of God, as so many believe, or that he was simply a man trying to make meaningful changes in his religion and who paid the price with his life. Which is more important? Don't you think that the loss of the life of the MAN is MORE worthy of respect than the transubstantiation of divine flesh?"
"I hadn't really though about it that way."
"In truth, each person carries within them a spark of the divine, a connection to the ineffable presence. Some have a trickle. Some have a geyser. Why do you even want to know? You're not even a Christian. Most Christians would burn a person like you at the stake. 'Suffer not a witch to live'. Isn't that what the King James Bible says?"
"It's a deliberate mistranslation of 'Thou shalt not tolerate a poisoner among you'."
"Well, you HAVE done your homework."
"I have, and you're dodging the question again."
"Am I? Know me so well in our short time together, do you?"
"No. I only know my question remains unanswered."
"Again, you're not being very specific. You've only asked me about the most general idea of the man."
"Alright then. Let's get specific. I want you to tell me if Yehoshua Bar Yoseph was the Son of God."
"Yes."
"Yes?"
"Yes, but then again...So are you. You and every other human to walk this earth are the children of God. He said as much. In fact, he never called himself the Son of God. He called himself the 'Son of Man'."
"I think I'm getting a migraine."
"That makes two of us. Look, what is so hard to understand about this? He was a man with a uniquely divine channel. He was also a child of the Most High. These things are hard to pin down when you're dealing with flesh. They aren't so
discrete as you'd like to think. Did the man, laugh, cry, take a piss, belch after meals, fart in bed, love his wife? Of course. Was he touched by God, or least your narrow narrow conception of him, yes, yes he was, but that's nothing you couldn't do for yourself, if you chose."
"Wife?"
"Under Mishnaic law, in order to be considered a Rabbi, he had to be married. The Marriage at Caina was HIS marriage. To Mary, if you want to know."
"A former prostitute."
(Subject spits on the floor) "A vicious Church slander. Mary was a priestess of an Eleusinian mystery cult."
"Wow. Did not know that."
"Most don't. If you look at the history of Christianity, you can see why artists have an inherent distrust of editors. Inerrant word of the Lord my thrice-damned FOOT!"
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